Fanfiction: Honest Reviews
by Ladyawesome45321
Summary: What I think about the shiz you write.
1. Salutations and Junk

Hello, hello, hello, you wonderful little nerds, you.

How's it hanging?

So I bet you're wondering what the heck this things is. Or maybe not. Because I'm asuming you read the title. And I'm also asuming you're not an idiot.

But just in case you are let's set the record straight.

In this book, you shall submit/volunteer/whatever word you want to use your fanfictions to me. I shall read them. I shall review them. I shall be brutally honest in my reviews.

Sounds like fun, yeah?

However, I am aware that some people are more sensitive to criticism than others... _don't submit if you can't take it, please._

Now, to be clear. You can nominate another writer, but they must agree to it before I read and review. I will not review without the writer's permission.

You must be patient with me. I can't read very fast, if the chapters are long. Plus I have other things to do, such as writing my own things and doing work for my school. Please don't rush me for reviews. They will be up when I have finished.

Also. Please be aware that these reviews are simply _my_ opinion. They are not fact. They are not telling you what to write or how to write it. It is just _my opinion_. Don't submit your stories to me if you don't want it.

Ultimately, whether I like your story or not it is _yours_. And you can write _whatever you want._ But these are my reviews and you are asking for my opinion. So, I shall give it to you.

I will have a submission form in the next chapter, if you're interested in getting your fanfiction reviewed. See you there, pals!

(Ps. This thing says Legends of Tomorrow, but you can submit fanfictions about other fandoms. This is just because I can't choose "all" or "random." on .)


	2. You Volenteer as Tribute

As promised here is a submission form for your fanfictions. You must submit them, or else I reserve the right to decline.

 **Book title**

 _This is self explanatory. I must know the title of the book I'm reading. Or else I can't read it...obviously._

 **Short description**

 _I guess this isn't really necessary, but I'd like to have the main idea/concept of your story in order to tell if I'm going to find it interesting or not_

 **State the fandom**

 _Again probably not necessary, but I want to know what fandom your writing for. If I'm not familiar with the fandom, then I won't know it's fanfiction._

Now, you don't have to submit a form if someone nominates you and you agree to have your story reviewed. ( Or if you disagree. Obviously.) You also don't have to worry about submitting a form if I ask you if you'd like to have your story reviewed. But only if I ask you. If you are asking me to review, you must submit. (Hopefully that's not too confusing.)

Okay. That's it. Not a very long submission form.

Next chapter, I will let you know what I will be looking at specifically in your fanfictions. (In case you wanted to know.) Then...we shall get into the fun stuff and...review! Toodles!


	3. What I Shall Look For

Hello again! Okay, so this chapter is - as the title suggests - going to give you a list of things I'm going to be looking for in your stories in order to review them.

 **Grammar**

 _First and foremost I will be checking to see that your punctuation, grammar, spelling, and all that boring stuff is good. But don't worry. I won't make too much of a big deal about it, because I can literally not spell to save my life. Seriously. Ask anyone who knows me. They make fun of me all the time for my spelling!_

 **Plot**

 _I will be looking for a good plot. Now...I don't know about you, but I am all about the plot. Everything I do is plot driven. Nothing is just random. Everything has a purpose for the plot or subplots. So, I'll be judging your plot on a scale from one to ten._

 **Ocs**

 _This is another thing I am extremely picky on. If your story has an oc I will be looking at them closely as well. I'll be looking for good characterization, flaws that effect them, good traits, bad traits, whether they annoy me or not. At the end of the review, if you have one in your story, I'll let you know how good I think your oc is._

 **Cannon characters**

 _Of course I can't let you get by with writing the cannon characters incorrectly. I'll be looking to see that you've written the characters, well, in character. However! If you state that they are, for what ever reason whether it be the fanfiction is an au or the character has been brainwashed, let me know and I'll cut you some slack._

 **Writing style**

 _Last but not least, I will be looking at your writing style. Do you keep me interested? Is it exciting enough? I'll be judging this on a scale from one to ten with a detailed description of why I've scored it the way I have._

Perhaps, I'll add more later but as of right now I'm writing this in sociology class. So, that's all I can think of right now. So...here we go! Onto the fun stuff!


	4. Rise of the Blue Bow

( ** _If you'd like to see the pictures mentioned here...there's nothing else I can tell you. Go see them on wattpad)_**

Here we have our first review - Rise of the Blue Bow by Heatstorm. This is one of those Legends of Tomorrow stories in which the author takes their oc and places them in any and all of the seasons in the show. I've read quite a few of these in my day. (I say like I'm not only nineteen. )

His story features the one and only Alex Foxworthy. Up at the top there you will see a description of his story and the cover, if you are interested in searching it for yourself. Now...let's get into the fun stuff!

Grammar 

The grammar in Blue Bow is actually pretty decent. At least compared to some other things I've read. For the most part there is accurate punctuation and spelling, except for maybe a few typos.

However, there was one issue that really bothered me while I was reading this. The indentation.

So, what I mean by that is this: When using dialogue, you should indent everytime I new speaker begins a sentence. Example:

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Dr. D yelled into the sky.

"I like pancakes," Norm stated.

Heatstorm has a habit of writing it like :

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!" Dr. D yelled. "I like pancakes," Norm stated.

While you can still read it fairly easily, it makes it kind of confusing and hard to discern who's supposed to be speaking.

Another issue I noticed a lot of is periods being where commas should be in the dialogue. I don't mind this issue a lot, because my best friend does it too...but it's also grammatically incorrect.

So, instead of it being like: "Hi, I'm Norm." Norm said.

It should be like: "Hi, I'm Norm," Norm said.

Of course, this rule only applies for what I like to call bland sentences and only after there's a "he said" "she said" sort of thing. But...you can talk to your English teachers if you want an in depth lecture on that. Let's move on.

I also noticed a few errors concerning red/blue sentences, as my English teacher would call them.

These are the sentences that essentially take two sentences and smoosh them together. Like:

Isabella is in love with Phineas. Candace is in love with Jeremy.

Isabella is in love with Phineas, and Candace is in love with Jeremy.

The rule is, if you can make two complete sentences out of it, there needs to be a comma. If you can break it into two parts with one part being a sentence fragmant (example: Isabella likes hanging out with her friends and also likes being a Fireside Girl.) there is no need for a comma. Heatstorm does this backwards.

Two more things. And these are just really me being extremely nit picky. So, don't hate me. (He did tell me not to go easy on him )

So, second to last thing. I seen this once or twice I think. I can't explain without being confusing, so here's a picture.

This, I suppose isn't technically grammatically incorrect. (Or maybe it is. I don't know. Someone fact check me.) But it is unprofessional looking, in my not so humble opinion. Instead of showing the numbers this way, I'd type out the word three. (That being said...I type out years using numbers all the time so...)

Last thing. Here's another nit picky picture.

In this scene Rip is cutting Jax's sentence off. I've seen a lot of writers do it this way, so again it's probably not technically incorrect...but I'm being nit picky. I'd suggest doing it like this:

"We need to find out who so - "

"You can get another chance of destroying the very history that you're supposed to be protecting?"

7/10

Plot 

Now...seeing as how there are presently only three chapters of Blue Bow I don't have a lot to say about the plot. Three chapters isn't a lot of room to work in major plot points; therefore I can't form much of an opinion.

Thus far, it looks as though he is sticking to the original script of Legends of Tomorrow. Though, I'm not sure what he plans to do later on. Maybe there's some plot twist yet to come. We shall see, as the story progresses.

10/10 (for now )

Oc

Alex Foxworthy. How do I begin to explain Alex Foxworthy? Alex Foxworthy is flawless. I hear his hair's insured for ten thousand dollars. I hear he does car commercials...in Japan. His favorite movie is Varsity Blues. One time he met John Stamos on a plane. And he told him he was pretty. One time he punched me in the face. It was awesome.

Sorry. I couldn't help myself. I just had to reference Mean Girls.

Okay. But in all honesty, I'm getting some great first impressions from this guy. For one thing...he's a guy. Usually ocs are women. (Not that I'm complaining. Lesbians tend to like women. ) It's just nice to see a difference ever now and again, you know?

Alex strikes me as one of those bitter, sassy characters. (Like myself.) He gives me an Oliver Queen type vibe. Of course, with just a mere three chapters we don't have the chance to explore his character in depth. I look forward to seeing more about his character - his likes, dislikes, the things that piss him off to no end, what kind of people attract him (both for friendships and romantically) just odd and in things like that.

8/10

Cannon characters 

Seeing as how for a majority of this story so far has stuck to the script, the characters are perfectly in character so far. There's not really a lot I can say about this at the moment.

All the cannon characters have just mostly been saying and doing the things they do in the orginal script. So...yeah.

9/10

Writing style

Okay. Here we go. I am going to be super nit picky here because I so rarely like the writing style of other fanfic writers. (I'm so mean. )

First off, some things were a little confusing for me while I was reading.

First, I'll direct your attention to the first picture. The paragraph that's circled is just worried a little strangely for my liking. In my opinion it's kind of wordy and all over the place. I'd suggest a bit of clean up and breaking it down.

Example : The man lead the way, taking us down a long hallway. As we walked we shared names. The man introduced himself as Mick Rory, making my eyes widen. I thought he had looked familiar. He was Heatwave, one of Barry Allen's many enemies. (Silently, I wondered why Barry and his team constantly gave their adversaries codenames; but I refrained from saying anything out loud, lest it start another argument with Oliver.)

Now, I'm fairly certain that the second picture is mostly a typo...But I'm gonna nit pick at it anyway.

It's confusing, because it mixes two lines of dialogue together; and It took me a while to figure out who was supposed to be talking. But I gather it's supposed to be:

"All I remember is being knocked out by that skinny, little Englishman," Mick said. "Very embarrassing."

"Hey I'm a skinny Englishman!" Alex said.

"Chill out, Purple Man."

So, next we have these two pictures. These aren't wrong, of course. But they're super long, and it's easy to get lost.

This occurs a lot whenever a character is thinking in Blue Bow. I'd suggest breaking it up and making it two separate sentences.

Example : "No. Just reading your on 1942," Sara said.

Ray, you dumbass. Can't you see I'm busy with my vendetta? she thought bitterly.

In the second picture, you could probably just say Ray is using an annoyed tone. Simple. To the point. You don't always need so many words.

Which completely contradicts my next point.

Details. Details. Details.

Anyone who knows anything about the way that I write knows that I love details. (But not too much. Don't be overwhelming.) Be descriptive. Set the scene a little. You don't have to describe every last little thing, but add enough so that the reader can easily visualize what the scene and characters look like. The more important it is, the more detail it needs.

This goes along with my next point nicely. Show don't tell. Sometimes this is nice. Simple. Easy. But sometimes we need a little...more.

Example: Instead of saying "He ran, and he was scared." You could say "He ran through the woods, feet pounding against the ground. His breath was ragid and unsteady; his heart was beating a million miles a minute."

This is descriptive and allows the reader to get into the story easier.

You could also change up the "he said" "she said " a bit. For example:

"You're an annoying little shit face," Laurel hissed.

"Screw you, you self righteous, ass hat!" JJ snapped back.

One last criticism. Try not to write so much like a grocery list. What I mean by that is:

We walked to the bridge. We sat down. Yada, Yada, Yada.

It's not every sentence, but it does happen quite frequently. Try stretching some sentences out, like a yo-yo.

Example:

Doof was not an appealing man. He was tall, but he slouched, which gave the illusion that he was much shorter than he actually was. The evil scientist (if one could call him evil) was wearing a long black tee under a white lab coat, resulting in everyone constantly mistaking him for a pharmacist.

But I don't dislike everything about Heatstorm's writing style. So, let's end this on a positive note.

I like that he actually sticks to the point of view in which he is writing. I've seen so many fanfics where writers slip from third person to first person every other sentence. It gets very confusing.

But Heatstorm manages to stick to first person all the way through, when he's writing in first person. So, I give him props for that.

5/10

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	5. DC's Legends of Tomorrow : Glitch

Here's a next submitter...person, Sparkle123tt. She has captured the hearts of many with her book. I even met one of my best friends through her fanfic earlier this year. That being said I will still be completely honest. So, let's get started shall we?

Grammar 

So...grammar. If you talk to Sparkle she'll tell you that she doesn't have very good grammar. Which, and this is the nicest way I can say this, is kind of true.

Throughout the story there is inconsistent capitalization. For example, she'll do something like:

"phineas, I love you," Isabella said.

All names should be capitalized at all times. ( Albeit, editing is hard and with so many words...who has that kind of time?)

That's really the only thing that bothers me about her grammar.

If I'm being super nit picky, I could talk about commas. You can never got wrong with commas. When in doubt...add a comma.

Other than that she has pretty good spelling so...

4/10

Plot

So Glitch is another one of those fanfics in which the author takes their oc and puts them in the show.

The main plot of Glitch is essentially season one of Legends of Tomorrow with a few unexpected twists, making all the more entertaining.

Some people don't like this, they think it's annoying. I, however, find it to be refreshing. It's good to know there's some writers out there with an imagination of their own.

I like how she's not afraid to let the plot get dark, too. I don't imagine too many fanfic writers would allow their oc to be raped.

As the story progresses you get a lot of insight about her character, Clarity. I think she does this smoothly. It's not to rushed and it's not too slow either.

8/10

Oc

Okay. This is the one I really wanted to talk about for Sparkle's review.

So lemme just say...probably one of the best ocs of all time. There's, like, a million people that can back me up on that.

I just love Clarity Springs.

Sparkle does such an amazing job with her, and I can tell she was very thought out. From her tragic backstory to her amazing fashion sense.

Okay. I just want to break a few things down.

1) I love how Sparkle isn't afraid to put Clarity through hell. She's got scars, emotional pain, all the works.

2) Clarity is not only bad ass and clever, but she also gets insecure, like an actual human being. When Kendra is being mean to her, when gets upset until Ray makes her feel better.

3) She's loyal. She's kind to everyone, including Mick and Leonard. And I just think those are some great qualities to have.

4) I like how she actually has her own lines. I've read a lot of these kind of stories where I've gotten annoyed at the author's oc for stealing a cannon character's line. Clarity is so original in every way. It's refreshing

10/10

Cannon Characters 

So, since the first half of the story is completely stuck to the script, Sparkle obviously keeps them all in character. I mean...copying words down is easy.

But it gets impressive, when she can continue to keep them in character, even when the story drifts away from the script.

Not many people can do that. I don't think I can. It's hard. You have to really analyze the character and study them and...know them in order to do that.

I think Sparkle does an excellent job at keeping everyone in character. Kendra constantly saying how she was a barista two months ago, Sara being a bad ass, Ray being an adorable little bean, etc. etc.

10/10

Writing Style

I'll be honest. I don't usually stick with these kind of stories. After about two chapters they bore me to death and I just...stop reading.

Sparkle has managed to keep my interest thus far. So, if that doesn't say anything about her writing style...I don't know what will.

She makes me feel things!

She uses a lot of details, making it easy to visualize the surroundings of the characters.

9/10

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	6. True Love Always Wins

True Love Always Wins is a Girl Meets World one shot by @directionercrazy1 ( AngelWings98 on ) As usual the summary is up at the top if you're interested.

Grammar 

The grammar in here is pretty okay. Better than most fanfictions anyway. But there are a lot of run on sentences that make it a little exhausting to read.

I'd advise commas. You can never go wrong with commas. Or semicolons.

Example:

Isbella and the Fireside girls were out doing their Fireside girl thing, and they came across a beautiful butterfly; but the butterfly was secretly an angry monster because cartoon logic.

Another thing I seen a lot of is that number thing, where instead of writing out the word they put the number. Which is fine for years, I think, but to say "I have loved you for 5 years." is grammatically incorrect.

You should write it out like: "I have loved you for five years."

One last thing. When using dialogue, you must have commas.

AngelWings often does it like: Doof said "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!"

It should be like: Doof said, "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!"

5/10

Plot 

The plot is pretty okay. It's the standard romancey proposal type thing. I love a good proposal story.

But being a one shot it kind of ends quickly. It's over within two chapters. Which is perfectly okay. I just usually prefer longer stories.

8/10

Oc

There were no ocs in this story

N/A

Cannon Characters 

Now, I'm not as familiar with the characters of Girl Meets World as some other shows. But I think AngelWings does a pretty good job at keeping them in character. I can definitely see Maya calling Josh a doofus.

9/10

Writing Style

So, I like how easy to read AngelWings' writing style is. However, I am a person who loves details and length.

This one shot was a bit short for my taste. There weren't a lot of details or emotional words.

Example :

My eyes widened at the sight of the ring, my heart beating faster. Was this really happening? I felt as though I might faint. Tears began streaming down my face. "Yes!" I screamed, before he even finished asking the question. "Yes, I will marry you!"

Okay...probably not the best example, but you get the idea.

5/10

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	7. Heroes: Godsend

Welcome back for another honest review. Today we have Heroes: Godsend by Sklarlight. This fanfic takes place in between the two NBC shows Heroes and Heroes Reborn. It took me awhile to get through it, even though it was a mere ten chapters, but it was a good read anyway. So, without further ado, let's get into the review!

Grammar 

This fanfic has fairly decent grammar. Good spelling. However, as always I have nit picky things to point out. Only two though. Don't worry.

One. I've said it before in other reviews, I think. Commas in dialogue. When a character is making a statement -- not a question or an exclamation, just a normal sentence -- it's grammatically correct to use commas instead of periods.

Example:

"Whatcha doing?" Isabella asked.

"We're building a spaceship," Phineas said.

Instead of : "We're building a space ship." Phineas said.

The second thing I noticed is the long paragraphs of dialogue. Of course, it isn't wrong to give characters long speeches, if not a little exhausting to read. (I do it a lot so if it's illegal we'll both go to jail.)

But the problem lies within the quotation marks. After every five sentences or so you should indent and add another quotation mark.

Example:

"The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks again, Agent P. He's bought a bunch of tin foil and covered all of down town with it. He plans to do something super evil with it, but we don't know what yet. His robot Norm is assisting him. His daughter is picking up the blueprints as we speak.

"We need you to get out there and stop him. If you fail this mission it could mean the end of the world! You are our only hope, Agent P. Good luck."

6/10

Plot 

I for one loved this plot. This fic features the nefarious Nomad, who desires to pull a Damion Darhk. (That is to destroy the world and recreate it in his own image using his adoptive son and a machine called the Godsend Device.)

In doing so he kidnaps Noah Gray, the son of Gabriel Grey and Elle Bishop from another earth. The Nomad spends a life time preparing for his evil scheme, brainwashing Noah until the time is right to put his plan to action.

However, the plan goes south rather quickly, resulting in his son - Riley's - death. (Along with the Nomad and countless others' deaths.)

It was a very interesting and original idea, I thought.

But with only ten chapters, it doesn't give a lot of time to get super attached to any of the characters. Which makes their deaths kind of...meh.

That's really my only criticism here.

8/10

Oc

This story is mostly all ocs. Which is actually a really hard thing to do. Not many people can do that.

But I thought Sklarlight did very well with their characters. They appear to have much depth to them. They've got fears, worries, doubts, confidence, etc, etc. Just like real people.

My only criticism is that, since this story is so fast paced, there's not a lot of time to get to know them super well. I feel like we've barely touched the surface with these characters. I do like them all, honestly. I just feel like, if the story was slowed down a little we might get a little more insight on more personal things with these characters and be able to connect with them on a deeper level.

For instance, what's their favorite movies? What's something they can't live without? What's their worst fear? Do they like milk or dark chocolate?

You know. Just some of those insecnificant little details.

7/10

Cannon Characters 

There's not a lot of cannon characters in this story. As I've said, it's mostly ocs. However, we do get to see Noah Bennett, Angela Petrelli, and Hiro Nakamara. (Some of my favorites.)

In this story they are mostly in character. At least, Angela isn't randomly bursting into song and dance for no reason. But I still feel like they could have been...more in character.

Of course this is a super hard thing to do. I can't keep characters in character, unless I spend hours studying them. And honestly who has the time?

5/10

Writing Style

And last but not least...writing style.

I gotta say, I was super amazed and captivated from the first chapter. (Scratch that. From the first paragraph.) Sklarlight is a stunning writer, indeed. There are so many details and scenes full of angst and action respectively. Everything I love in a book.

But this wouldn't be a good review if I didn't complain about something. So, let's do that. Shall we?

First thing. There's a lot of redundancy. The characters are always talking about Noah's good nature and the Nomad brainwashing him. They explain the Godsend Device in every other sentence. It just seems like they spend a lot of time reexplaining the same thing over and over. It gets boring.

Second and last thing, there's a lot of telling and not showing. I've said this before in other reviews. This is when you tell the reader the character is feeling something rather than showing them. Instead of saying "They were sad." Try being more descriptive and allowing the readers to infer this. This will allow them to connect with your characters on a deeper level and get more into the story.

Example:

Isabella curled up into a ball on her bed, feeling as though an elephant were sitting on her chest. She blinked rapidly, as hot tears began rolling down her face.

When will Phineas notice me? she thought.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	8. A Flash of Flames, and He Was Gone

This fic is written by the lovely BlenderChicken from . Honestly...I purposely took my time with this one. I just didn't want it to be over, so when I got to the chapter I literally stopped reading for a day or two so it didn't have to be over. Usually, I take forever because...well I'm just super slow at literally everything in life. But this was super good. I was kind of sad when I reached the end of the five chapters in this story. (Hopefully there's more coming soon!) Anyway, let's get into the review.

Grammar 

I don't have much to say here. The grammar was pretty good. There's not much to nit pick, in all honesty. So, I'll just leave it at that...

8/10

Plot 

The plot of this story is a fun one, indeed. Who doesn't love a good Flash/HoO crossover?

The story starts with Leo Valdez being kidnapped by Zoom. He is then forced to work with Zoom, being told that he had to capture the Flash and bring him in if he wants to go home.

So far there are only five chapters, but I'm already on the edge of my seat.

10/10

Oc 

This story is mostly just cannon characters. I did, however, see a few I think. They were only in, like, one scene, though. That's not enough time to analyze then thoroughly. But we'll see how they turn out at the story progresses.

N/A

Cannon Characters 

I actually thought that BlenderChicken did a great job with keeping everyone in character. Many times I could actually hear the actors voices in my head, when reading. (Or -- in Leo's case -- what I think their voice sounds like.)

This is a hard thing to do. You have to be super in tune with the characters to do that. I know I can only do it like fifty percent of the time. So...good job, dude.

9/10

Writing Style 

BlenderChicken's writing style sort of reminds me of Rick Riordan's writing style. With the quick wit and the sarcasm. Very nice, indeed.

It really just feels like they've taken the time to think things through for their story and written the best they can. Or maybe I'm over analyzing and this is their worst work ever. (If that's the case their best must be utterly stunning.)

9/10

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	9. Flickering Existence

Ah ha! A fellow second generation writer! Beautiful! I love second generation.

I'd like to start with apologizing to DarkSuspense for taking so long to get this up. I've been dealing with the stress of school and the fact that I probably won't graduate...

But that's not important. We're here to judge the writing. So...without further ado...

Grammar

So, I didn't really notice anything in this area that I'm too picky about. The grammar is pretty decent. Good spelling. Good use of commas. Things are mostly capitalized when they're suppose to be so...

9/10

Plot

I think this is one of the better plots that I've read. It actually stuck with me. Not a lot of fanfictions do that these days.

So, Flicking Existence's plot features the Legends' kids on the Waverider. They are facing a problem that has several of the team's members - well - flicking from existence. Already a lot has happened in the first six chapters.

We find out that Nic has been to hell and back. (Literally.) Zane and Zoey think their pops is dead. Val has some weird mind control thingy. It's already exciting, and I look forward to reading more.

9/10

Oc

There are a lot of ocs in this book. Naturally, that can be a little difficult to keep up with. (I know from experience. I have, like, fifty something ocs for the Arrowverse alone!)

But DarkSuspense does a pretty good job keep everyone together. So, far they all seem pretty accurate to normal human beings.

Nic is bitter at her mom and weary about sharing her emotionally scaring backstory.

Val is troubled by his past and haunted by mistakes he's made.

And those are just two examples.

Another thing I like about DarkSuspense's characters is their relationships. It's clear the team has gone through thick and thin with each other. And even when they have a bunch of drama trying to pull them apart, they still stick together like glue. That's an admirable quality, I think. I love loyalty.

8/10

Cannon Characters

Okay, so I think that DarkSuspense does a great job with keeping the cannon characters in character. I'll never understand how people can write them on the nose like that. I can only do it, like, not even 20% of the time. Haha...

9/10

Writing Style

I like DarkSuspense's writing style. Lots of details. Lots of emotions. The only criticism I have is: some of the sentences are too long. They aren't necessarily wrong grammatically, but it's harder to read. It also doesn't flow as well.

Example:

Perry jumped down to the floor from the ceiling and kicked Doof in the face, and then he twisted his arm behind his back, as he punched his face with his free paw; but Doof managed to escape by flipping Perry over his head and into the table.

It's easy to get lost with long sentences like this. I'd suggested breaking some of them up.

Example:

Perry jumped down from the roof and landed on the floor. He jumped up, quickly, kicking Doof in the face. Perry proceeded to punch the evil scientist in the face with one paw; and with his other paw he pinned Doof's arm behind his back. However, Doof escaped soon. He flipped Perry over his head and into the table.

This is a little easier to read, and it flows a bit better than the previous example.

7/10

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	10. Redemption

And here we have DarkRed101's Redemption! Yet another one of those infamous stories in which an oc is inserted into the cannon show. Very popular with Legend of Tommorow, those fics. So, without further ado...

Grammar

I'm just gonna say this bluntly. The grammar isn't the best I've ever seen. Not the worst...but not the best.

First, there are a lot of unnecessary commas. Commas are good, but only if they are used correctly and not overdone.

For example:

Isabella, Phineas, Ferb, Buford, and Baljeet were about to test their latest invention by playing on it, they climbed the massive rock climbing wall, and they went, way up, high into the sky, it was loads of fun.

For one thing it's very difficult to read sentences like this. Not to mention they are just grammatically incorrect. I suggest breaking sentence up and chilling out a little on the commas. You only need them when you are working with two sentence clauses or when something briefly interrupts a sentence. (You can also use parentheses dashes )

Example:

Phineas, Ferb, and the gang were just about to test their latest invention. They climbed aboard, ready to play on it. The rock climbing wall went so far up, you couldn't even see the top.

For sentence clauses, you must check to see that there are two - what I've learned to call - blue sentences.

Example:

It was the hottest day of the year, and the Flynn-Fletcher family was spending time together in the living room.

If you can't combine two sentences, then the comma is not necessary. (But there also must be a combining word: but, and, or, ect.)

Example:

Candace thought she had plenty of time to bust her brothers and to visit Jeremy at the mall.

One last thing on the commas. In dialogue, and I think I've said this on other reviews, you must have commas when the sentence ends with a period. (And also after a person's name.)

Example:

"Hi, Jeremy," Candace said.

There is also a bit of inconsistent capitalizing with the word team. If it's not the name of the team - Legends - it does not need to be capitalized.

Second to last point. There are a bunch of sentence fragments.

Example:

Faced the giant space ship falling from the sky and ran.

This isn't very clear. Who is facing the space ship? Sentences need to be complete thoughts. I know the reader could easily infer it by looking at previous sentences, but this is just...Well, it's kind of lazy. (However, sentence fragments can occasionally be used for dramatic effect. More on that later.)

One last thing. The spelling is pretty good. (Better than mine anyway.) But a few words are spelt incorrectly: meant and seen. (But that's okay. English is hard.)

Plot

Not a lot to say here yet. So far the book is simply following the script with a few minor changes to the dialogue - stop Savage, save the world. I look forward to seeing how things progress and differ from the show.

OC

Savannah is an interesting character. She's sassy and awkward at the same time. (Bit like me, then.)

I'll be honest, the only oc I particularly like in these kind of stories is my friend's oc Clarity Springs. (Not even because we're friends. We became friends after I started liking her character, honestly.)

But I'm will to take a chance with Savannah. At least she appears, so far, to have actual emotions like a normal human being... So, maybe when the story progresses a bit, we'll get to see her back story and a little more about her likes and dislikes? Just some of those insignificant little details could go a long way.

(Also. Just a little tip, before you get too far. A lot of ocs overshadow the cannon characters in these type of things. They either become completely over powered and soak up all the attention - which annoys the crap out of everyone and gains your character the Marry Sue label. Or they get hurt all the time and have to have all the attention. My advice? Don't do that. It's good to make them suffer once in a while, but don't - and pardon my language- be an attention whore.)

Cannon Characters

This is gonna be, like, the shortest one. So far all the cannon characters have just been saying and doing everything they say and do in the original script. So, for now...

Writing Style

I'm gonna say what I say to everyone for this part: more showing, less telling. It's okay to tell sometimes -- after all too much of a good thing is a bad thing -- but most of the time you need to show.

Example (tell) :

Candace waited anxiously at the end of the drive way. She was excited. This time she would finally do it! She'd bust her brothers!

While there is nothing wrong with this grammatically, it's rather boring to read. Readers don't connect with the characters. (And that's important.)

Example (show):

Candace felt a bead of sweat forming on her forehead. The redheaded girl was bouncing on the balls of her feet, head twitching rapidly. Her mom would be home any minute. She could do it! She could bust them for sure this time!

Something like this helps readers connect a little better, helps them feel what the characters are feeling. You have to trust that the readers are smart enough to infer that she's feeling anxious.

Now, as promised, I'll talk about sentence fragments. Earlier I said they were grammatically incorrect. (And they are.) However, they can also be used, in fiction, for dramatic effect.

I wouldn't advise doing it a whole lot. This should just be used when something seriously dramatic and sinister is happening. (Or angsty.)

Example:

It was over. They were stuck in space, and there was nothing they could do about it. The ship was down. Lights were off. They were running out of oxygen, fast. And they were just on the ship. Trapped. Alone. Alone and trapped forever and ever...

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	11. Frosted

This took me forever to get through. With school and so many other issues. Ugh. Sorry it took so long, friend. But I'm finally finished, so let's do this!

Grammar

I'll be completely and totally honest I expect this this book to suck as, because it was about something typically seen as "for little kids." And that being taken into consideration most -- not all, but most -- of these kind of fanfic suck.

But this was actually pretty decent. I can tell you did a fair amount of editing. There are next to zero grammatical errors. At least that I seen, when I was reading. However, there are a couple of typos, I think.

Also, when ending dialogue with he said, she said, you should use commas instead of periods. (For sentences that don't need exclamation point or question marks.) And when it isn't a name, you don't need to capitalize.

Example:

"Hi, Phineas." Isabella said, her pupils literally transforming into hearts.

"Hey, Isabella." The boy responded.

Instead, it should be like:

"Hi, Phineas," Isabella said, her eyes literally transforming into hearts.

"Hey, Isabella," the boy responded.

But other than that, the grammar was tremendous.

8/10

Plot

So far I really liked this plot. And considering it's a love story, that's saying something. I really hate love stories. There's just not enough action for me.

But this...ha. This has action.

It starts out with Jack Frost coming to see Rapunzel, because - gasp!- he's disappearing, and she actually believes in him.

But things soon begin to pick up. Jack discovers Gothal is an abusive hag, and so they run away together. Then, Pitch appears - gasp! And they run into Flynn Rider!! Woo!

These first seventeen chapters have certainly been exciting, indeed.

I like how some things are kept the same as the Tangled movie, like Punzie's magical hair, and some things are different, like it not losing it's power and turning brown when it's cut. (That never made sense to me anyway.)

Doing things like this show creativity. I don't always like changes, because I'm biased for the cannon...but a lot of the time change is necessary, especially for au fanfics. And I for one am excited to see how Rider fits into this story if he is not going to be Punzie's love interest.

9/10

Oc

I'm not sure if it really counts as ocs or not, but Punzie's parents never actually spoke or...well they didn't really do anything at all in the Tangled movie so...

I'm gonna count them as ocs.

So far there hasn't been much of them. They've just been in a couple chapters at the end and in the prologue; and now we're drifting away from them again.

However, they seem pretty okay so far. I won't make any huge judgment on them, until I've seen more of them. But so far they seem decent. At least, they haven't annoyed me quite just yet, so...

6/10

Cannon Characters

I thought the characters seemed pretty in character actually. Jack seemed just as happy and cheerful, yet broody and loyal as he was in the films. (And the books too, I'm guessing. Though, I've never read those.)

Rapunzel was just as happy-go-luck-innocent-puppy-dog as she was in Tangled. Her quick wit and good nature is on point.

Pitch is as sardonic and creepy as I remember. Can't wait to see more of him in this fic.

Tooth. Oh how I love Tooth. Her energy and enthusiasm was spot on. Well done!

10/10

Writing Style

As I've said, I really thought this book would suck. I was not at all expecting as much detail as their was. But, by fanfic standards, there was a lot.

Which is good. I love detail.

There was a perfect amount of detail for everything, in my opinion. Scenery was described, sensory, people, etc.

Some of the words you choose are spectacular, in my opinion. It just reminds me of why I fell in love with reading/writing to begin with. (This is something not a lot of fanfics can do for me these days.)

9/10

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	12. Frost

Sorry this took so long to get out...but life sucks so that kinda slows things down.

Anyway...

Grammar

The grammar in this story is pretty good for the most part. There were only a few typos and misuses of commas. The only thing that I'm super nit picky on here is the titles. The words in the titles should all be capital, except two or one letter words. (Except I and And. And has three letters but it can be lower case. I is one letter but it can be capital.)

Example: My Undead Mummy and I

7/10

Plot

The plot of this story follows Sierra Storm has she deals with the loss of Jason Todd, who in the end isn't even dead.

All in all the plot was pretty okay. I'm not a big fan of the whole "plot twist, I'm not dead" thing, but I guess this story kind of made it work. I'd suggest more slow scenes though. In the flashbacks there were lovey dovey scenes, but they usually only happened when Jason and Dick were arguing or when the group was fighting a villain. This doesn't exactly make me feel for Sierra when Jason is allegedly killed.

If there were a couple of slower scenes, I think it would be easier to connect. For instance, Jason buys her flowers or the two go on a movie date where they open up to each other and spill some secret not even their best friends know. It would make their relationship feel more real and heart wrenching when it's over.

The last nitpicky thing I have for this part is the way that Jason comes back to the good side. (So to speak.) It seems rather random to me. I know Sierra is supposed to have talked him out of being evil ot something, but it just doesn't feel believable to me. Maybe add a scene where he is seen struggling with the thoughts after the conversation?

8/10

Oc

Sierra Storm technically isn't an oc, but the way that she was written in this story is completely original, so I think it counts.

Now, I'm not really the biggest fan of other people's ocs. I get annoyed by them very easily...Sierra does at least one of the things that annoy me.

Taking down an enemy like this is just lazy writing, in my opinion. Especially with the way this guy was described. Even with super powers it should take at least a good five minutes to take this guy out. Sierra does, in fact, have powers. Ice powers. But she doesn't use them here. Even if she did I'm not sure it would make much sense, unless she had super strength. (For one thing he must weigh a ton, and there's no way someone so much smaller than he is could lift him this way.)

I imagine this scene is probably meant to show off Sierra's bad assness, but it just makes her appear majorly op to me.

Another thing: Sierra always seems to know how to get out of trouble. She's arrogant because of her powers, which would make a good character flaw. But having her easily escape every bad situation makes the threat kind of boring and...basically not even a threat. Having a few times where she's completely clueless might help with that.

Other than that, I think she's okay. She's kind, heroic, feisty, angry, sad, all normal people things.

8/10

Cannon Characters

Admittedly, I'm not very familiar with the comic versions of the Bat Family. But from what I've seen, they're pretty in character.

Bruce is brooding (as usual ) and insisting he do everything on his own.

Dick is a flirt but has a good heart

Etc etc

9/10

Writing Style

So, the writing style was pretty neat. Lots of detail. Detail is good. Only two things that I'd suggest here, honestly.

One) Sometimes, you get carried away with the dialogue and just assume the reader can figure it out. This is a lot of work, and it makes reading the story difficult and uninteresting. Whenever there are more than two people speaking, make sure to tell the readers who is speaking, otherwise we will get lost.

Two) Italics for Flashbacks. This is by no means wrong. I've done this one myself in the past, but I would suggest trying other methods as well. I've heard from several people that reading too much italics is a pain. So, it's best to just keep that to a minimum. I'd suggest putting the date at the top, so the readers know exactly what time period the events are taking place in and you don't have to use too many italics.

7/10


	13. Crashing into You

Ugh, I'm getting bad at regularly updating this. Oh well, better late than never right?

Grammar

The grammar in this story is fairly decent, except for some small scale errors in the beginning. But that's okay. No one really pays attention to grammar on wattpad anyway. The fact that there was minimal errors is refreshing to me.

9/10

Plot

This fic features Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak crash landing on an island and being stuck there for a while. They have to over come terrible feats like the weirdo Kai and their freaking outrageous love life.

It was an interesting read, though it's not usually my type of thing.

8/10

Oc

Kai was really the only oc in this fic. (Unless you count the wolf.) Though, he wasn't in it all that much, so behind being a psychopath with some questionable beliefs...there's not really a lot to judge him on.

6/10

Cannon Characters

I felt as though the cannon characters ( namely Oliver and Felicity ) were very well written. Not once, I don't think, did I feel like something wasn't right with them.

You got everything, from Felicity's awkward stammering to Oliver's brave and slightly hormonal teenagirlishness.

9/10

Writing Style

I'm not usually a fan of first person stories. I find them to make the characters sound uneducated and childlike. (Though, maybe that's just because I suck at writing in first person, I dunno.)

However, that doesn't mean it's wrong to write in first person. If you feel your story is better suited written in first person instead of third person...go for it.

This particular story wasn't too bad written this way. Though, it did take some getting use to.

I love the descriptions, such as this one scene where Felicity was injured. There's sentences like "[...]fire in my leg" and "[...] screaming at my pain receptors."

9/10

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	14. Twisted Death

So...I haven't exactly finished reading this yet... But it's taking forever to get done with everything else going on in my life. So, I've just gathered enough information to do this review. I'm sorry. I'll leave more reviews in the other chapters after this if you want more of my input...but for now...here we go...

 **Grammar**

I haven't seen too many grammar errors throughout the first four chapters I've read. It's pretty decent actually, and I rather like it.

 _8/10_

 **Plot**

Twisted Death has an interesting plot, I think. Definitely unique. Although, Anime isn't usually my thing, so sometimes it's hard for me to follow. (I like a few but not many) Overall though, it's a pretty cool story.

Brandon, as far as I've read, is tasked with protecting two girls from these undead beasts -- necrolizers. Of course, he has his own struggles and I look forward to reading more about them as the story continues.

 _9/10_

 **Oc**

As far as I've read there aren't any ocs. So, for now, there's not much to say about this section.

 _N/A_

 **Cannon Characters**

Now, as I've said before Anime isn't really my thing. I know next to nothing about it or the shows in this genre. So, needless to say, I've never heard of this Anime that this fic is based on.

Though, the descriptions at the beginning of the book help a lot. It's a very detailed description of each and every one of the characters. Brandon -- tough and badass, yet soft-hearted when it comes to the girls he's looking after. Mika a feisty young gal with tons of moxy. So far, all the characters seem to be very well written, and I've very much enjoyed getting to know them. I look forward to discovering more about them all as the story continues.

 _9/10_

 **Writing Style**

The writing style in Twisted Death is very descriptive with lots of details. I love reading the fight scenes, as they are very well done in my opinion. I can perfectly visualize them when I'm reading them, like watching a movie in my mind's eye.

However, there are a few phrases and words that are repeated a lot. For example, there was one paragraph in one of the early chapters talking about a corpse, when Brandon was checking out the crime scene. It was stated numerous times that there was no corpse. Avoid repeating information, unless absolutely necessary. If it's something we won't easily forget, it only needs to be mentioned ones.

One other thing -- in the same chapter -- there were a few things that could be rephrased. Like this one sentence, "...the men in the armor and toolbox..."

This sentence doesn't make a lot of sense, and I'm still not quite sure what it means. Perhaps, it would be better if it were something like "...the men in the armor, standing next to the toolbox..."

 _9/10_

 ** _* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *_**


	15. Fate X

So...same thing as the last one. I haven't finished reading yet, because my life is hectic at the moment and I'm super lazy when I have free time. I've just gathered enough info for this review. I can leave more in the comments if you want further input after this.

 **Grammar**

There's actually quite a few grammar errors in Fate X. There's a lot of sentence fragments and capitalization issues. Some words are capitalized in the middle of a sentence. Sometimes, commas are used in the wrong or random places as well. There's also a rather large number of typos, in which the completely wrong word is used. For example, I've seen multiple times where the word is meant to be used, but instead the word he is used.

 _6/10_

 **Plot**

The plot is a little confusing for me, but I think I've got the main idea. Skite and the Purple Sabor battle throughout this video game and discover some startling secrets. The game as 1000 players and Skite is one of the weakest ones of them all.

It's an interesting enough plot, and it sort of reminds me of that one Anime, Sword Art Online.

Though, I do think it goes a little fast. My advice would be to slow it down a little. Maybe start with Skite entering the competition to be in the game, rather than just jumping into the game.

 _7/10_

 **Oc**

I believe Skite is an OC. Correct me if I'm wrong. He's an interesting character, to say the least. Sometimes I find his arrogance annoying, as he hasn't much reason for it. He seems to be kind of a jerk, only in the game for himself. He doesn't care who he has to hurt to get what he wants.

It's definitely different, and I like that. He's not automatically the hero type. He doesn't care about anyone but himself at first. I'm interested to see how he grows throughout the story.

Purple Sabor is an interesting character as well. She sort of feels like an oc to me, but if I'm wrong I apologize. I'm not familiar with the fandoms in this fic. She's quite the badass, and I'm sensing some kind of dark past. Though, right now there's not a lot of information about her. So, it's hard to get attached. (Though, like I've said I'm not finished reading, so maybe we'll learn more throughout the story.)

 _7/10_

 **Cannon Characters**

As I've said I'm not really familiar with these fandoms, so I'm not exactly sure what the characters are supposed to act like. But from my limited Anime knowledge, they seem pretty accurate.

 _8/10_

 **Writing Style**

The writing style in Fate X isn't my favorite. For one, it's written in the first person, which -- in my opinion anyway -- makes the MC sound rather dimwitted and stupid.

Another issue I had was the bold and caps lock. There's a lot of sentences written in caps lock, and it just makes the whole thing look unprofessional. The bold font could be okay if done tactfully. Too much makes it look awkward.

There's also a great deal of astricts. Which...just...no. Don't do that. That's lazy. Instead of saying *sigh* you should fully type out the sentence. "I sighed, bored."

It just makes the writing look more professional and less lazy. The only time you should use this * * is in a roleplay.

Now, there are a few paragraphs that describe people and things very well. But mostly they are brief and lackluster. There are pictures to help, like images of the school and some of the characters, but I'm not here to judge pictures. So, a little more description wouldn't hurt.

One last thing. I think there could be a little more internal struggle as well. We need to know more about what Skite is feeling. The book touches upon it very briefly before moving on. But I think it would be beneficial to have it be a recurring theme, as I'm not sure I'd easily get over the fact that I can't remember anything about myself the way Skite seems to. Having thoughts about it happen over and over is more realistic, and it helps the readers better connect with the characters.

 _6/10_

 ** _* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *_**


	16. Origins Lost

Origin Lost by AlexCraigWrites. It's been several weeks. Sigh...I'm really bad at doing things quickly. I'm sorry. Okay. Let's do this!

 **Grammar**

I didn't see that many grammar errors, I don't think. None that I feel like nit picking at anyway. Just minor things I've mentioned in other reviews. Like commas in the dialogue and things like that.

 _9/10_

 **Plot**

Origins Lost is actually an interesting plot, I think. I've not really read anything like it before. (Though I haven't really ready Heroes of Olympus fanfics in years, so I'm not really sure how their cliches are now...)

But it's interesting, thus far. The plot follows Will from Ranger's Apprentance, taking Jason from Heroes of Olympus's place in Rick Riordan's The Lost Hero.

I really like seeing all the differences between the original and this fanfic. It's humorous to me. Though there are only three chapters up at the moment, so it's hard to say how the rest of the book might change. And I'm curious to see what happens, since the Roman demigods won't be in this story at all.

 _9/10_

 **OC**

Thus far there aren't any ocs to judge

 _N/A_

 **Cannon Characters**

The best thing about these type of books is that it's extremely easy to keep everyone in character. You sort of have a cheat sheet by watching/reading the movie/show/book.

I'm excited to see if you can keep it up, when the dialogue needs to change from the original texts though.

I also find it interesting that Leo is a female rather than a male in here. So far they seem to be just the same as they are in the real book, which is good. Though, I'm curious if their personality will change at all being a girl rather than a boy. Or will it be the same Leo we know and love throughout the whole thing? (Just with different part.)

 _7/10_

 **Writing Style**

So this story was written in first person, rather than third person like the original story. I find that curious. This means that we only see things through Will's eyes and a number of things could change because of it. I look forward to seeing what those changes will be.

I normally don't like first person point of view in fanfic. I find that it makes the characters sound dull and stupid. But hopefully you will be able to change my mind about that.

There's a lot of details, even though some of the words are the same as Riordan's work. But I still feel like...something is missing. (I don't know maybe it's just that first person thing.) I'm not sure what it is.

Maybe there could be a few more internal thoughts and feelings. A lot of fanfic writers struggle with that. It's a very hard thing to do.

 _8/10_

 ** _* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *_**


	17. Heatstroke

Back in DC. This time Young Justice instead of Arrowverse. It's been a while since I've seen this show, but I remember it was super good. The fanfics are usually pretty decent...Let's see if amanda_dragons' is good as well!

Grammar

So, the grammar was pretty okay. There were a few typos here and there. And a few issues with capitalizing. For example, Kid Flash would often be written like Kid flash. Remember, all parts of the name should be capitalized, even if it's two words. If it's a name it's capital.

7/10

Plot

So, the plot is pretty cool. It's one of those stories where an OC is put in the cannon, which is always entertaining. For the most part, the fic follows the storyline of the show, but towards the end, there are more original chapters. I'd advise keeping that up. It makes it more interesting and shows your creative mind, instead of just copying what the writer of the show has already done.

8/10

Oc

I'll be honest. I'm kind of biased here because I also have a fire-based on named Heatstroke. (Mine is older though and just uses fire, not a sword.) So...yeah...small world huh?

Anywho, I like this Heatstroke's sarcasm and quick wit. She's quick on her feet and overall pretty freaking badass.

However, I do think she should be more affected by things. The narration just kind of glosses over her feelings about things as she goes along. I know the show is for kids, and so they downplay a lot of the serious stuff. But I think it's okay to get a little darker when writing.

I'd also suggest a little more background. There's some traumatizing backstory, something to do with a fire or...something. We don't get a lot of information about it. The mystery is good, but after a while it just gets annoying, not knowing anything. People don't like vague. Besides, it's like the twentieth chapter (I think) so I think it's about time some things start getting cleared up.

The last thing, Heatstroke passes out a lot. Like...more than Jason Grace in Heroes of Olympus. It's good for your characters to be hurt, but this just gets annoying after a bit. I suggest cooling it with the passing out. There are other ways for your OC to lose a battle.

6/10

Cannon Characters

The canon characters are pretty good. Though, this kind of stories always follows the canon dialogue. Keeping it up, when the story strays on to its own path is much harder.

7/10

Writing Style

The writing style is a bit choppy in the beginning. The first few paragraphs in the first few chapters read sort of like a grocery list.

Example: She went to the store. She bought some stuff. She went home.

This is boring. The sentences need some depth, varying lengths. However, that being said, you want to go easy on the long sentences. If they get too long, people will get lost and lose interest. You need to find the balance between short and long sentences.

Also, avoid repeating words over and over. It's just more professional and makes it read more smoothly.

Last thing. I sort of mentioned in the OC section, but I'd suggest a little more detail -- internally and physically. You don't have to describe every little thing (that will bore people to death) but you need enough that people can easily picture the setting and the characters in their mind's eye.

The descriptions are really vague, like "it was big." and "She had red hair." It's hard to imagine what everything and everyone is supposed to look like, even if I had seen the cartoon. It's just lazy not to use description.

As for the internal description, this is important because it helps the readers connect with the characters. They need to feel like real people, they need to feel something from them.

Again, I know this show is written for little kids and they downplay it in there, but from a writing standpoint, it's just better for the characters to be more emotionally involved.

For instances, we could get more insight into how Superboy feels about being a clone. We could get more emotional/mental issues from Heatstroke due to her past. We could explore the emotions that go with being on the field and going through such hardships on a pretty much daily basis. These things are difficult for grown adults, never mind teenagers. (And remember, show don't tell!)

7/10

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	18. A Doctor, 2 Tardies, and 2 Immortals

Dooeeeoo!! Dun, dun, dun, dun.

...Sorry. I'm bored, and this is Doctor Who. I am a Whovian. I can't help it

Anywho... (Ha. Who...sorry. Sorry...)

Grammar

There's a few typos in the story, as well as a few missing words and misuse of commas. Otherwise, the grammar is pretty okay.

7/10

Plot

A lot of the plot seemed kind of vague and confusing to me. A lot. Of the explanations are super vague or get interrupted. For example, when Clara or Merry try explaining what the Galaxy Eater is, something happens, like getting attacked or the characters getting distracted by something else.

Also, it's strange how the Doctor can't remember who Clara is. That is never explained. What happens if he does? Will he die? Will the world explode? Why should I care about this? Also, Clara has a Tardis and companion for...some reason. I'm not sure what the story is behind this. Was there another book? Was it explained in canon? A little background goes a long way. It's also never really explained how the Zygon got the bomb in the Tardis or why the time machine trapped Me inside.

A lot of the things seem random. Like they're just a bunch of scenes thrown together, not meant to be connected. For instances, Merry gets a ball full of Vasta Nerada for some reason. The shadow monsters chase them around from time to time, but that's it really. They serve no real purpose, and in the end, they aren't even dealt with properly. They're just kind of forgotten about. The bomb is also sort of pointless, considering it isn't their major concern and just kind of blows over fairly quickly anyway. And the Galaxy Eater is something else that probably could have been left out. Its sole purpose was to summon the Doctor, but this just doesn't make any sense. How could the companions know they'd need something like this? How did the Zygons know to use it? It also just seems like majorly cheating, and makes the issue of finding the real Doctor way too easy; therefore making the story extremely boring. One last thing that probably could be dropped...Jack Harkness. Now, don't get me wrong, I love his character as much as the next gal, but he just seems much too random and out of place here. He shows up to save the Doc and co, and then we learn he has some drama with the enemies for some reason. But we don't get any details on this. It just seems kind of like a pointless excuse to have him in there, just because he's Jack Harkness.

Another thing...everyone is a Zygon for some reason. I know they were the main villains in this, and there the whole thing is pretending to be people. But the way it was executed in this story was just much too confusing. Every five seconds it was kind of like, "Plot twist they're a Zygon! Gasp!"

For example, in chapter thirteen when they found out there were two Zygons pretending to be the Doctor. Apparently, the real Doctor had been kidnapped the whole time. This scene was sort of a headache to read with all the twists and turns.

3/10

OC

I guess you could count Apollo as an OC? He's the main Zygon villain of this story. He plants a bomb in Clara's Tardis, kidnapped everyone, and tried to get to the Galaxy Eater. But like many ocs, he lacks some depth to his personality. The story goes by so fast, we don't even get a glimpse of his backstory. He's too much of a closed book, and it's hard to care for him. I know he's the villain and we should hate him, but let's face it...the best villains are the one we can love too.

Because of this, he doesn't really have any motivation for doing the things that he does. He just does it for the sack of being bad. A good villain has motivation. They're crazy, no one loves them, etc etc. (Example: Mr. Freeze from Batman only turned evil after he failed to save his wife's life. His whole persona is built on guilt, making him more relatable and easier to sympathize with.)

Another issue is Apollo seems to be a bit OP as well. When I was hiding in the Tardis, he somehow manages to break the doors down. However, in the Doctor Who show the state many times that the Tardis doors are practically indestructible. (I imagine Clara and Me's Tardis would be the same as the Doctor's anyway.)

Which makes my next point kind of awkward. He and his friends are much too easy to defeat. The climax is sort of...underwhelming. The fight is over in, like, three seconds. Kind of boring. The climax should have readers on the edge of their seats, begging for more and gasping in shock, wondering if the protagonist might actually lose this one.

4/10

Cannon Characters

For the most part, they're all okay. Clara is intuitive. Jack is flirty of. The Doctor can be rude as hell. But they don't seem to have a sense of danger at all. I know a lot of the time Doctor Who is light-hearted and the characters joke around a lot, but they also have intense scenes full of angst and drama. This book makes a few attempts at that (though not very many) but they all fall flat. It's not very believable. They don't seem all that worried about the Zygons or the bomb or...much of anything really. (Though I guess if you're immortal you stop caring about most dangerous things...but still!)

They seem to, for the most part, think of everything as a big joke. They even walk past a dead body in chapter sixteen without even flinching. They're only real reaction about that was covering their noses because it stank. They could have at least shed a few tears. These are very compassionate characters here. Just because it's a stranger doesn't mean they don't care.

5/10

Writing Style

I think it goes without saying, as I've pretty much already stated it. (This is a big issue within the fanfic genre so don't feel too bad.) There should be more detail. Inwardly and outwardly.

There's not enough description so that I can imagine what everyone and everything looks like. In my mind I'm pretty much just looking at blank space, the descriptions are so vague.

And as stated before in the CC section, the characters seem to be very disconnected from their emotions and unaffected by literally everything. You should slow down and take the time to explore their inner thoughts and feelings some more. This way readers can connect with them better. (Remember show don't tell!)

Another thing I'd suggest is to slow down and explain some things. Give some background on what's happening. Don't just assume the readers have seen all the Doctor Who episodes. In fact, act like they haven't. Explain it all in a very detailed manner to make sure everything is clear enough to understand. Write as though, you're trying to catch a newbie up on everything if you know what I mean.

Maybe, also avoid every single idea that comes into your head. Not every idea is a good idea, despite what some people might think. It's okay to throw a few out.

I'd also suggest sticking to just one point of view -- first person, third person, or -- in some rare cases -- second person. Don't change the point of view in the middle of the story. If you've started it in first, finish it in first. If you started it in third, finish it in third. It's just not professional looking when you're constantly switching it around, and it can get confusing.

One last thing. Try not to backtrack when writing from different characters' perspective. Just continue on with the story from their point of view, don't go back and rewrite a scene you already wrote. It's annoying to read the same thing over and over, and I think a lot of people will lose interest because of this.

4/10

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	19. Soul Binder

Grammar

I'm just gonna jump right in because I have a bunch of reviews to get through.

At times there can be slightly too many periods, and a few times the commas are misplaced.

There should only be, at most, three periods at the end of a sentence. Though, it's best to simply use one. It makes the sentences appear much more professional.

I noticed a few sentences had a couple of words missing. I'm gonna go ahead and assume this is due to typing too fast/typos. Happens all the time. No writer goes without doing this. But it can easily be fixed with just some quick editing. And if you're one of those people, like me, who have trouble spotting their own mistakes, you can have someone else edit for you. There's also Grammarly, but I'm not sure if that helps with missing words.

Another thing I saw, and a lot of other people do it, is that numerical vs words thing with numbers. It's better to simply write the word out rather than using the numerical version.

One. Not 1.

Second to last thing. There are a few mistakes with capitalizing. A lot of people struggle with this too, so it's not a big deal. Again, editing apps or editors can help with this.

One last thing. There are a few instances in which words are used in the wrong tense.

Example: I wake up tomorrow morning.

English is a pain in the butt and extremely hard, so there's a lot of ways you could fix this sentence up.

For one: I am going to wake up tomorrow morning.

6/10

Plot

The plot was a bit confusing. The story starts off a little slow. So, I'm not exactly sure what the plot is yet. But, the book is only in its fourth chapter. These are the chapters in which everything is being explained, where the world is being built. We are only just meeting our MC and friends. So, this is fine for now, but the plot is probably ready to go soon. I'd say chapter 5 is a pretty good place for some heavy plot points...Or at least some kind of turning point. It doesn't have to be too big. You don't want to give away too much in the beginning.

5/10

OC

As far as I know, there weren't any ocs in this story. Correct me if I'm wrong and I'll fix my statement here.

N/A

Canon Character

Since I'm not very familiar with this fandom, I'm going to go ahead and assume you got them all in character.

10/10

Writing Style

Overall, I'd say the writing style is pretty decent. There's plenty of detail, and there is some really good background on the characters. There are a few sentences worded awkwardly, but otherwise, it's good.

9/10

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	20. Beyond Masks

Grammar

Commas. Everyone has issues with commas. Really loathing those little things. They're very tricky. There's like fifty rules for them. I think maybe I'll do a chapter later on them, just so I don't have to keep writing it out. It'll be easier to refer people to that chapter instead, I think. Same thing with numbers, capital letters, and tenses.

Okay. So, for everything that won't be in a later chapter...

There are a few typos, but that's fine. Easy fix with an editing app or editor.

The biggest issue I saw was contractions. There's a lot of apostrophes missing where they should be. For instance, I'm will be written like Im a lot.

And there's a little confusion with the words there, their, and there. And also you're and your.

There - is a direction. Example: Go put that over there.

Their: is a pronoun. Usually for more than one person, but it can also be used for a single, non-binary person.

Example for multiple people: Their family car is adorable.

Example for SNB - Ben put a beanie over their head since their hair was purple and distracting.

You're - is a contraction for you are. Example: You are going to the dance. Or You're going to the dance.

Your - is the form you use when something belongs to you. Example: Your cell phone is ringing.

Other than that the only thing I have seen is capitalizing the titles. That doesn't really affect the story itself, but generally, the first letters of each word in the titles are capital. (With the exceptions of one letter words and to and the.)

5/10

Plot

I've read a lot of fanfics that follow the canon storyline, most of which add lots into the mix. This one is interesting in the fact that it is strictly a, and there is no OC involved what so ever.

7/10

OC

As stated before there is no OC so...

N/A

Cannon Characters

The canon characters are written decently. Mostly they just stick to the show's dialogue, but when the story starts straying from the script they are still pretty well in character I thought.

9/10

Writing Style

The story has a nice pace about it, especially in the beginning. It's not too fast, and it's not too slow. I love the dramatic irony in the fact that Laurel is the Black Canary and Oliver is Green Arrow, and neither know at first.

The only criticism I have is the point of view switching. Often the story switches from the third person to the first person. This can get confusing for the readers and make them lose interest pretty quickly. It also just looks tacky and unprofessional. It can be done if done stylistically, but it's ill-advised for the reasons stated above. I'd just avoid doing it all together. If you start in the first person, you should end in the first person. And vise versa, if you start in third, end in the third.

8/10

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	21. Earth X

Grammar

The grammar is pretty good in this stories. Maybe there were typos I missed, but I didn't see anything too nitpicky.

9/10

Plot

There are not many people willing to delve into the darker side of story writing. Especially not when it comes to Nazis. This story was a bold move, and I really like the fact that Writer207 has taken this risk.

I've always enjoyed the dark, heart-wrenching stories. This fanfic is definitely one of them.

9/10

OCS

There aren't any ocs in this story other than the narrator. But we don't get a lot of information about him, seeing as how he is simply there to tell the story. That being said, he is interesting, despite not having much info on him. I'm curious to see how things play out, and I look forward to seeing if we get any more information on him. Why is he telling us this story? What inspired him to do so?

6/10

Cannon Characters

I think the canon characters are beautifully done. Of course, these are our heroes Earth X versions, so of course, they are slightly different and more bigoted than our favorite peeps from Earths One and Thirty-eight, but that's just as well. They fit perfectly into their environment, and I love seeing the contrast. It's interesting to see how the way we're raised really does shape us.

If you're raised in a healthy home with a loving, encouraging family, you can become a superhero. If you're raised in a terrible environment that wants to destroy people for petty reasons...well you'll be a Nazi. Sadly.

8/10

Writing Style

There is a lot of emotional impact with this kind of stories, and I think Earth X really does this well. You can feel the characters' hurt and hopelessness. You can feel the urgency in the narrator's voice. The book is very detailed, and it has a unique journal entry kind of format. Not everyone can pull this style off.

9/10

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	22. Arrowverse AU

Grammar

The grammar was pretty okay for this story. I didn't see anything I care to nitpick at. Except for one instance in which the dialogue was back to back. Example: "Hi, Phineas." "Hello, Isabella."

But every other time the dialogue was done correctly, indenting whenever a new person spoke.

8/10

Plot

This was an interesting storyline. The ending was a nice touch. Though, I am confused as to what happened to Deadshot. Did he get away? Did they capture him? Will he be returning?

6/10

OC

There wasn't an Oc here.

N/A

Cannon Characters

The canon characters were pretty decent. At least, I didn't see anything too out of character for them.

8/10

Writing Style

M

y only criticism is the detail. There's a lot of dialogue, but not enough detail. Some descriptions describing the surroundings would help better visualize the scene, and some inward thoughts and feelings would help better connect with the characters. (Remember show don't just tell!)

* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *


	23. Tips and Tricks: Basics

So, while I'm waiting for people to submit fanfics for this, I've decided to do some tips and tricks chapters. I'll talk about a few things to keep in mind when editing the grammar and a few stylistic tips to help better your stories. (Which will be discussed in this chapter. I'll give you three tips to start with. We'll see how effective this chapter is first. I don't want to overwhelm you with information the first go around.)

Bear in mind, however, that these tips are just my thoughts and my opinions. These are just some ways that work for me. There is no guarantee that it will work 100% for you. You ultimately can do what you feel is best for your story. That being said I do hope you at least consider my suggestions.

Now then...let's begin!

\- Research: It's important to know what the heck you're talking about. No one's going to be interested in what you have to say if you sound like a big dummy. You don't have to spend years studying. You don't have to be an expert in the subject matter. After all, fanfic is just for fun. However, it wouldn't hurt if you at least had a basic idea of what your writing about.

Now you're probably thinking something along the lines of, "Well, duh. It's my fandom. Obviously, I know everything about it."

But that's not what I mean. You probably spend hours a day just going through your favorite fandoms, watching the shows over and over, rereading the books time and time again. You should have the characters and facts memorized by heart. (Though that is research, you probably just didn't realize it.) What I mean are the real-life facts.

For example, if you're writing about computers, you're going to have to understand at least the basics of how they work. Coding. Firewalls. Whatever. (I barely understand any of it, so it's really hard for me to write about.) If you're going to write about medicine you need a basic understanding of the medical field. If you want to write something about sports, you'll need to know the rules for whatever sport you want the characters to play.

Just because it's fanfic doesn't mean you can slack off. If you're ignorant, your characters will be too.

\- Slow the Heck Down: Pacing is important for any story. If it goes too fast, the story seems unprofessional and childish. If the story goes too slow, it drags on forever and gets boring fairly quickly. Usually, fanfics fall under the former.

I know I'm guilty of this, especially in my younger years. We all get excited when we want certain things to happen. And we want them to happen as soon as possible...but some things are worth the wait.

Take your time to really flush the story out. Focus on character development, on the plot. Build bonds between the characters, before making them dive into deep relationships or hardships. Before something extremely good (or bad) happens, give the readers time to fall in love with them. (Or to hate them with a burning passion, whichever you want.) We can't care about what's happening to them if we don't care about the characters.

I know if a reader is reading your fic, they probably already care about the characters from the canon story...but it's easier to get into the fic if you write them like they're your own characters.

\- If it's tedious to write, it's probably tedious to read: Everyone always says you should have plenty of detail, but what they don't tell you is that it's possible to use too much. You want to make it easy for your readers to picture the characters and imagine what's going on in the story. However, you don't want to overwhelm them with detail after detail. This will drag things out far too much and inevitably cause them to stop reading.

Balance the details out. Before you write that long paragraph describing every last spec in the sidewalk or every stitch of that gorgeous dress...ask yourself "is this really important? Do my readers need to know about this?"

If the answer is no, it's probably safe to leave it out. The readers don't need to know exactly what a character is wearing (unless it's something important like a superhero costume, and even then you only need to describe it the first time they put it on. The rest of the time you can be vague.)

Readers do need to have at least a vague idea of what your characters look like, so it's okay to use a bit more detail with them.

It may seem difficult to determine what's important and what isn't, but relax. Like most things, it just takes a bit of practice. You'll get the hang of it.

And those are my tips for today. I hope you found them useful and worth reading. Best of luck with your fics, people!


	24. Killer Instinct: Carrie Unleashed

**Grammar**

The grammar was pretty decent in this fic. There were a few mistakes, but nothing I want to be too picky about. Reading over the book after you finish writing it (or whenever you feel like it honestly) will help. Getting someone to edit for you is also a good option. (That's what I normally do, because I'm too lazy to do it myself haha)

 **Plot**

The plot was really interesting, even though I only knew information about one of the fandoms in this fic. I liked the way Carrie ran into the others, and I like that she actually seems traumatized and distressed by all the torment and abuse that her mother and bullies put her through. She spends the first few chapters completely apprehensive about everything, even though she now knows what her mother did to her is very wrong. It's hard to capture this effect well, especially in fanfic. And the pacing is excellent. It doesn't drag on too much, and it doesn't go too fast either.

 **OCS**

As far as I can tell there aren't any original characters in this. Correct me if I'm wrong

 **Canon Characters**

I love the way the characters interact with each other. There is good dialogue and believable reactions to their surroundings and the things that happen to them. For the most part of what I can tell, they're accurate to how they're supposed to be written. My only suggestion is to add a bit more inward thoughts and feelings. There is a lot of this, but I still feel as though there could be a bit more.

 **Writing Style**

I liked this writing style. Plain and simple. There's good vocabulary, great detail -- not too much, not too little. The perfect amount of details so that readers can easily visualize the settings without being overwhelmed. As stated previously, the dialogue is believable and likeable. For the most part, the writing style shows and doesn't tell. Which is good. That's a difficult thing to grasp sometimes, but I feel like this book does well with that. The only criticism I have, as I stated before, is having more inward thoughts and feelings.

 ** _* PLEASE NOTE THAT THE WRITERS FEATURED IN THESE REVIEWS HAVE EITHER SUBMITTED THEIR STORIES TO ME OR GIVEN ME PERMISSION TO REVIEW. THIS IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE RUDE OR HATEFUL TOWARDS ANY PARTICULAR WRITER OR THEIR STORIES. THESE REVIEWS ARE SIMPLY MY OPINIONS. *_**


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